Trigger Warning!!!!!
Good evening everyone! Tonight’s topic is serious because it needs to be discussed. If you’ve dealt with grief as a parent, this will be a good read for you. If you are still grieving the loss of a loved one, especially due to COVID, I am giving you a trigger warning to go ahead and skip this week’s post if needed. Thank you for your support so far. I pray for your healing!
Reality
Welcome to 2022!!!!! A year we all thought would bring sunny skies and no dark nights. Unfortunately, we learned quickly that you cannot have sunny skies without a dark night, it is the reality of the world we live in. A painful reality we all experience. So, bear with me as I go through this with you.
Death is not new, rare, or unexpected. Yet, when someone passes away, the first reaction we have is shock. Shock because although we know death is real, we cannot wrap our minds around the fact that someone we know was here one day and gone the next. Someone we know that had plans for the next day. They had things to do, and people to see. Now, they are gone and we are supposed to move on with life.
BUT… to no surprise, we cannot move on. We cannot move on because death HURTS! It HURTS so bad. The day you find out a loved one passed away changes you. No matter what journey life takes you on, that day stays with you forever. The memories, their smile, their laugh, their scent, and everything else you can remember about them stays with you.
The moment you look your young child/children in the eye and imagine the pain they will feel breaks your heart. They do not understand the loss they just endured. They are still playing around as if nothing happened. Meanwhile, mommy and daddy are trying to entertain them while fighting back tears.
Then there are families whose child/ children know what happened and are an emotional wreck. Now the entire home’s emotions are at a high. For days, they stay in and soak in their new normal. A normal they wish was not real.
As the holidays, birthdays, and big life events roll around, it starts to feel like day one all over again. It seems like there will never be a day where it hurts less. Everyone will continue to walk around with a scar on their hearts from this experience. Hoping that this will not happen again, and knowing that it will. Also, knowing that if this happens again, it will not be easier to deal with.
This is what grief as a parent looks like.
My point to writing about this is
- This is a reality for a lot of families
- I want people to seek help, because it is okay not to be okay
- I want parents to be comfortable with seeking professional help
- Now is the time to establish a self-care routine
- How do you explain death to a child? Is there a right way or a wrong way?
This is a reality for a lot of families
There is no further explanation needed for this. Parents are hurting and so are their children. The hurt of their children causes the parents extra pain.
Seek help, it is okay not to be okay
Being a parent comes with the responsibility of having strength. The strength to care for someone else sometimes before yourself. Through grief, that strength may seem impossible to carry. This is where you seek help. Ask family, friends, and loved ones to step in and help around the house. Help keep the child/ children’s spirits up through visitors and playdates. Seek the help from those around you! Help that will allow you to get back to caring for your child in a manner that you can grieve, but still push through and be that awesome parent that you are!
Self-care
What does your self-care routine look like as a parent? Do you have time to relax and reflect when the children are sleep? If not, find some space in your schedule to do so. This will allow you the time to grieve without worrying about being strong for your child/children. Self-care is important because to care for someone else you must care for self! Make self a priority when you can!!!!!!!
Mental Health Matters
There is nothing wrong with seeking professional help! The people around you may be great for helping around the house, but a professional may be needed to cope with your emotions. A professional has years of experience and studies with this topic. They know what to say and how to help you get through this. Do not be embarrassed by needing helping. Your children will thank you later when you are a healthy and happy parent. Also, seek professional help for your children as well, because as much as you feel horrible through this loss, they feel the same. This is their loss too. Help them learn early how to grieve in a healthy manner!
How do you explain death to a child?
This is probably one of the biggest worries a grieving parent has. Is there a right or wrong way?
These answers depend on the individual child. Each child is different! How you explain death to your emotional 6th grader may be different from how you explain it to your emotionally intelligent 5th grader. There is no right or wrong way. Do what makes sense for your household and your child/ children.
Food for thought
I do not have the answers, but maybe opening this up for discussion may prompt those that do to join in and share their thoughts, opinions, and recommendations. I see the challenges you are faced with and I want you to know that you are not alone!
Prayers for everyone
These are things that I do not see many people talking about. But, this is too real to act like it is not happening. I pray for the families struggling through this. I pray you have the support system needed to lean on emotionally. I pray that you have access to a professional that matches your needs. I pray that you will find healthy ways to cope with your loss. I pray that you find the help your children may need to cope with their loss.
Reminder
The strength needed for parenthood does not require you to be numb to grief!
Thank you!
Thank you for getting through the end with me. See you next week
